I accept this nomination!

So tonight was my big speech. What did you think?

For the most part it went OK. I may have stumbled over a couple words, but at least it wasn't as painful as listening to George explain anything more complex than how to make a peanut butter-marshmallow creme sandwich. If you remember him in the debates, you were probably cringing. Even if you liked him.

God only knows what his parents were thinking, although it probably had something to do with getting a refund from Yale.

Anyway, the speech didn't go over quite as nice as Sarah's did, but I've always had a thing for hot chicks who have power. Or money. The wife has her Scrooge McDuck swimming pool filled with dollar bills. And she's easy on the eyes, too.

Cindy picked out my tie tonight. I hate yellow, but know I'd hear her yapping about it until 3:00 AM if I didn't just wear the damn thing. Some battles aren't worth fighting.

Now that I'm the "official candidate", the "election" will be a "shoe-in." Yeah, I'll only get 52% of the "popular vote", but it will be "where it counts."

It's enough to make my heart grow three sizes.

Does anyone know if they still have a bowling alley in the White House? If so, my first Executive Order is getting that bad boy updated for computerized scoring. Those rules on spares and strikes always confuse me.

Just remember: John McCain has 14-lb. balls.