I'm back!

It's been a busy three days in the McCain candidacy. Between the speeches and backroom deals and shaking babies, I'm doing all I can to ensure that my election this November looks as legitimate as possible.

Not that polls mean squat, but today according to Drudge I'm up 5 points. Woohoo! Eat it, naysayers!

So I had some more "potential voters" asking how my life is relevant and makes me Presidential material. It took a little bit of talking, but we found our common ground: banging models.

Yes, the first wife was a model. A swimwear model. Has my opponent scored any hottie models? I think not. I'm really looking forward to "normalizing relations" with Sweden even as I type this. You betcha.

Keep on bringing in those questions, and I'll answer what I can! Just email me at "prezmccain" at "gmail.com".

You know how it feels...

I was at an event this weekend stumping for votes, and these punk kids decided to start razzing me about being in the military. Now I can take some hazing as well as the next guy, but these two kids were really starting to get under my skin.

I motioned for one of my Secret Service goons to escort the jerks out, and they start up that "Don't taze me, bro" crap that was popular last year. So instead I had Tony (the head goon) whack one of them in the arm with a tire iron.

The other one piped down pretty quickly after that.

See, this is how I'm going to run our foreign policy come January. If that Chavez guy gets all uppity, we're going to kidnap his little yappy dogs. If he doesn't come around, I'll stick the dogs in a room with a bunch of Mama cats. You don't get between a cat and her kittens.

Vote!

Hello, all!

I'm not actually President yet (that you know of...) but I'm putting this up here to talk to my constituents.

That's you young kids.

When I'm President, I won't need to say "get off my lawn" because I'll have fire hoses.

Just you wait.