Good God Almighty....

It started innocently enough. I called George to ask him for an update on the Poland and Russia situation that Condi is currently handling. He didn't have much of an update on that, but was breathlessly trying to tell me of a new Executive Order he was working on.

Apparently the current President wants to change the national bird from the Bald Eagle to a bat. The kind that eat lots of bugs and fly around at night.

I tried to reason with him. "George, bats aren't birds. They can't be the national bird if they aren't birds to begin with."

"But they're scary. And Russia needs to be scared of us. Bats would help that." he argued.

This went on for over an hour. Luckily the battery on my phone finally died.

He's probably still sitting in his office playing with bats crudely cut out of black construction paper. I should have never shown him you can use a white crayon to draw them.

"Vote!"

You know how it feels...

I was at an event this weekend stumping for votes, and these punk kids decided to start razzing me about being in the military. Now I can take some hazing as well as the next guy, but these two kids were really starting to get under my skin.

I motioned for one of my Secret Service goons to escort the jerks out, and they start up that "Don't taze me, bro" crap that was popular last year. So instead I had Tony (the head goon) whack one of them in the arm with a tire iron.

The other one piped down pretty quickly after that.

See, this is how I'm going to run our foreign policy come January. If that Chavez guy gets all uppity, we're going to kidnap his little yappy dogs. If he doesn't come around, I'll stick the dogs in a room with a bunch of Mama cats. You don't get between a cat and her kittens.

Vote!