Rep. Charles Rangel calls Sarah Palin 'disabled'...

You can't make this stuff up. Douchebag Rangel said in an interview my sweet Sarah was 'disabled'.

Now, I'm not going to lower myself to his level and state that he's a moron. I'm not even going to suggest that Charles Rangel enjoys beating his wife while touching himself and thinking of unusual ways to use lightbulbs. And I certainly would never infer that the Democratic US Representative from Harlem is responsible for more dead prostitutes than any other Congressman currently in office.

See, I like to consider myself above the fray, because negative politics is just wrong. hat's the way that John McCain rolls.

Speaking of rolls; I found if you microwave a Cinabon roll for about 45 seconds, it is delicious to an order of magnitude generally unseen on this planet. Really. It makes me nom.

The week we've had.

So it's been a very bad week for some people lately.

There was the whole hurricaine thing, which wiped Galveston off the map. Again. It sucks for them since a lot of people lost their homes and cows and stuff. It sucks for you because your insurance policies are going to take a hit, which makes it harder to have your car "stolen". And it really sucks for me because nobody is paying attention to Sarah this week.

Before this was even fixed up, then stupid Lehman Brothers goes belly up. The worthless sack of crap running the place was earning about $100 million a year, which is Cindy's whole empire. That makes me feel so poor. As president I think we'll feed him to the crocodiles.

The Saturday Night Live spoof was pretty funny though. Tina Fey rocks my socks. Sarah says she liked it, but you can tell she wants a playground beatdown on all the writers. I keep telling her it comes with the territory, but she's having a hard time letting it go.

Hopefully she won't feed Tina Fey to the crocodiles come January.

I accept this nomination!

So tonight was my big speech. What did you think?

For the most part it went OK. I may have stumbled over a couple words, but at least it wasn't as painful as listening to George explain anything more complex than how to make a peanut butter-marshmallow creme sandwich. If you remember him in the debates, you were probably cringing. Even if you liked him.

God only knows what his parents were thinking, although it probably had something to do with getting a refund from Yale.

Anyway, the speech didn't go over quite as nice as Sarah's did, but I've always had a thing for hot chicks who have power. Or money. The wife has her Scrooge McDuck swimming pool filled with dollar bills. And she's easy on the eyes, too.

Cindy picked out my tie tonight. I hate yellow, but know I'd hear her yapping about it until 3:00 AM if I didn't just wear the damn thing. Some battles aren't worth fighting.

Now that I'm the "official candidate", the "election" will be a "shoe-in." Yeah, I'll only get 52% of the "popular vote", but it will be "where it counts."

It's enough to make my heart grow three sizes.

Does anyone know if they still have a bowling alley in the White House? If so, my first Executive Order is getting that bad boy updated for computerized scoring. Those rules on spares and strikes always confuse me.

Just remember: John McCain has 14-lb. balls.

HooWAAH!

I just heard Sarah's speech, and might I say that even I'm going to vote for me now.